“My father says you remember the smell of your country no matter where you are, but you only recognise it when you are far away.” 

I read this quote a few weeks ago and was surprised that I had never realised it myself before. Ironically, I am writing this from a small town in England on a rainy summer day – one that smells exactly like the mountains in Bulgaria do after a summer thunderstorm. It is interesting that I can’t tell whether this makes me feel closer to home or further away from it… 

While other ‘foreigners’ in England may not have had this experience today, they have most likely experienced something else that has made their hearts long for their homeland. For this reason, I believe that homesickness is a feeling that unites us all and is yet unique to each and every single one of us. Despite the different ways in which we experience it, we all turn to one another for advice in desperate times: “What do you do when you’re missing home?”

I started writing an article, answering this question a few months ago. Then, I stopped myself, realising that someone who has not yet figured out how to cope with homesickness cannot – or rather, should not – advise others on how to do so. 

10 months after landing in the UK, I finally feel more at ease. In October 2022, I felt as though someone had spilt 1,000 puzzle pieces in front of me, asking me to build a picture I had not been shown. Today, the puzzle is slowly coming together and I can almost see what it depicts. My heart is not as heavy as it was and my vision is not as blurry. 

I do not like saying that time heals because I do not think it is helpful… but, I do think it is true. Nevertheless, time alone cannot help you find your feet in a new country. It cannot build the puzzle for you. Had I sat down and simply waited, I would still be staring at a pile of puzzle pieces with no idea what to do. So, how did I get here?

• Taking one small step at a time

Feeling homesick when everything around you still feels foreign, frustrating and uncertain can make you want to stay in bed all day. When you do not know what the future holds and the present is not what you want it to be, you turn to the past. You think of home and how much better it is, how stable things were, and how much of a risk you’ve taken. 

In those moments, it is vital that you get out of bed and pick up one of your puzzle pieces. Focus on one thing at a time – whether that is sorting your residency, applying for jobs, looking for accommodation, or ensuring that your basic needs are being met. 

When times are difficult and I have an infinite checklist floating in my head, I remember the scene from Friends, where Chandler gets cold feet on his wedding day and Ross helps him by asking him to focus on the next, small step: Can you take a shower? Can you put on your clothes? 

Focusing on the next step helps you feel less overwhelmed and more capable when things feel too heavy to handle.

• Knowing when to call home

Surprisingly, calling home when you are homesick can sometimes make things worse. I once had a friend whose family relocated to another country, forcing her to start a new life in a new place just a few years before graduation. Naturally, we all expected her to stay in touch. Instead, she blocked us from social media, saying that reminders of home were making her feel worse. At the time, I was baffled by this… surely staying in touch with your loved ones during difficult times must help? 

I now understand.

I found calling home to be quite challenging because hearing the voices of my loved ones sometimes upset me more than it helped. Through trial and error, I learned on what days I can have calls and what days I cannot. For example, days when I struggled with extreme homesickness, my energy levels would be tremendously low, hindering me from having a proper, meaningful conversation with my loved ones. 

So, oddly enough, I found that calling my family when I had a clearer head would allow me to better explain how I have been feeling, to listen to their advice, and to hear what they have been doing back home. 

• Eating familiar food

The beauty of today’s world is that no matter where you are, you can find a taste of home. 

In England, there are many shops selling Eastern European food and although there are not many Bulgarian restaurants, there are others with similar cuisines (e.g., Turkish, Greek, and Persian). A taste of something familiar can make you feel closer to home. 

• Listening to your language

When I was missing home, I felt like everywhere I went, I could overhear people speaking in Bulgarian. Of course, when I would turn around to look at them, I’d find that I had misheard (or more likely, imagined it). After imagining this several times, I thought I should start listening to Bulgarian music or watching Bulgarian films – clearly, I was missing my native language. 

(Tip: You can browse by language on Netflix!)

• Talking to people who understand

If you can, surround yourself with other people who are in your situation. This way, you have someone you can talk to when you are struggling to accept the cultural differences you face. It can be helpful to hear that others are facing the same challenges and that you are not alone.

Otherwise, you can convince yourself that you simply do not belong when everyone around you behaves in a way that is different from what you are used to. 

• Appreciating the good

We tend to romanticise home when we are away from it. We begin to think that there is no place better than our home and when we are so far down this rabbit hole, we block out the beautiful things that are staring us right in the face. To avoid this, you need to immerse yourself in the culture of your ‘new home’. 

When in Rome, do as the Romans do. While you might not understand or like everything, there will certainly be something you like. Try to see and appreciate the good in what is new – and when you find something you love, hold onto it. For me, this was walking along the River Thames and looking at the swans: two things I could not get in Bulgaria. 

I walked by the river every day, admiring it quietly until I had enough puzzle pieces in place to see that this was just a tiny part of the big picture.

To sum up, it does get better and while it may not look like it today, I assure you that the weight you are carrying will get lighter. 

Next on The Homesickness Series, we will be looking at what you can do if your partner is missing home… 

Want to share your story? Email admin@sipofculture.com