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“The saddest summary of a life contains three descriptions:
could have, might have, and should have.”
– Louis E. Boone
When I was little, I used to document my days in lengthy diaries. When I grew a little older, I began to write poems when life felt difficult and I struggled to understand the world around me. When I was 18, I wrote a collection of nearly a hundred poems, thinking that I would one day publish a book. For the past seven years, I have flirted with this idea, writing and saving multiple manuscripts on my laptop.
On a rainy Tuesday afternoon this autumn, I decided that I had had enough; I had had enough of pretending that I would actually publish something with my name on it. I became tired of succumbing to the fear of what people would think of me. I realised that, at the end of the day, nobody would actually care (and that if they did, it would not matter).
And, with that in mind, I began putting together yet another manuscript. I looked through everything I had ever written and decided that instead of publishing all my work, I would put together a short but meaningful collection. Within a few weeks, I had published Ups and Downs: a short chapbook featuring 20 poems.
This collection is split into 4 chapters, namely Inner Battles, Love, Gratitude and Relapse. While Ups and Downs is only 29 pages long, it takes you on a journey that explores different themes and different emotions. More specifically, it gives readers insight into my highest highs and lowest lows as I document my brightest and darkest days.
For quite some time, I wondered whether I was brave enough to actually publish this collection. As I write this (and as you now read it), I still do not know if I am brave enough. What I do know is that the life I am living is the only one I will ever have.
And so, I present to you my first poetry book. I hope that you may find something you relate to and that it may serve as a reminder that life is never all good or all bad.